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I'm sitting here lost in our pixel pony world cause I just can't breathe. I've been 'not' crying for too many hours now, and my mind keeps spinning on just how I could have made any of it better.

My best friend... My best mom friend... My only daily contact by phone friend... My sister of 19 years... The doctors pretty much declared her brain dead this morning. They are still tracking some seizure activity in an effort to keep her comfortable, but there is no expectation of her waking up again, never mind being herself. Her mother, sisters, and children have been flocked around her like little birds. Most of them people she hasn't spoken to in years. No one even wants me there except her ex husband, and he's only thinking of the comfort of his daughter. One of five children I have helped her raise, our oldest adults. Her grandchildren don't even know yet cause we can't reach their mom.

I hate this horrible limbo of the word coma.

I want to wail to the heavens and I want to burn the entire village down just for spite... I want to actually sit in silence and cry.

So I snuck off to sit in the bathroom while the baby sleeps, and touch my phone. Some mid season hand breeding I hadn't gotten around to in the confusion and bustle of the last week. A little burst of joy each new foal that opens no matter what their genes. A drug I desprately need.

AND THEN I GOT THIS GUY!

3826885 Rain Day

My very first hom KP stud with every single one of the right genes for his account. In coming months he will be visiting my G3 hom chin girls enough I might have to sprinng for his own pasture. ...I'm gonna have all the surprise cloud babies. :x

{Sorry for the caps lock, he made my whole day better. And thank you guys for being the comunity of my solice.}