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I am sorry that you feel the way you do. Your poem is beautiful even though it is dark. I know we don't speak often but I want you to know that we are all here for you.

Happy birthday.

I've been where you are in that dark place looking for a little light to guide you out. Think of everyone here as a candle, lighting the way. It's not an easy road, I know mine wasn't, but when you finally reach the sun again it'll be so worth the effort, I promise.

Take the time to take care of you. Do something that makes you happy, and then keep doing that when you need a little pick me up. For me, it's music. With the right music going, I'll forget all the crap and smile, every time. Add in a good book and the world goes away for a while, at least for me.

Make the effort to find yourself a smile. You're worth it! *hugs* And happy birthday!

I'm usually pretty good at weaving words together to express an emotion, but I've literally been staring at this screen for twenty minutes, trying to find the words to express how much this all means to me. I wasn't expecting anything from this post; I was just trying to find a way to get all of these emotions off my chest. Sometimes just writing them isn't enough, and you have to share. And this was the only forum where I felt safe enough to do so. But these words of encouragement and the amazing gifts...I wasn't expecting them at all. I just...I can't thank all of you enough...but I can sure as hell try.

@SandycreekFarm, believe me, you helped relieve a lot more pain than you may think. You're definitely part of the reason I love this community so much, and thank you so, so much for the mare. She is gorgeous and absolutely perfect. I will cherish her forever.

@best friend, thank you for the birthday wishes. It's a strange gift I have to make dark and depressing poems beautiful, but it's still strangely nice to hear that people think they're good.

@Kanorah
Your words of kindness made me smile
Gave me a boost to go a while
And even though we cannot play
You've helped me see another day
This war's not easy, though it's long
Your words became my battle song

...and thank you so much for the gift bag of goodies. I couldn't figure out how to work that into the poem.

@JustaSaddletramp, it always breaks my heart a little when I hear that someone understands the darkness I feel; I wouldn't wish this feeling on anyone. That said, thank you so much for your words of encouragement. I've actually taken this day to be in my room and not have to interact with anyone. Just me, my snuggly cat, some good music, and more Rick Riordan books than I know what to do with. Actually, you just reminded me, I'm missing a book. I should go find it.

@HTRanch, this community has been a big part of keeping me going this last year. I can remember at least three times where I talked myself out of crashing my car or driving off a cliff because I had promised to send someone straws or I wanted to see one of my foals grow up. And the generosity of the players never fails to take my breath away. Thank you for your words, both today and every time we've chatted.

In conclusion, just...there is no elegant way to say this, so I'll just say it.

Thank you.

@HTRanch, I know you probably didn't mean to, but you just reminded me of one of my survival songs that I'd forgotten for years, (please forgive the use of caps lock) THANK YOU SO MUCH!

I'm so glad that we were able to shine a little light into a dark place. Thanks for letting us know.

@CWScowgirl87, ...wow. You and I have very different definitions of the word 'little'. Please, do not misunderstand me; I am very grateful for all of the straws and the funds. There's a part of my mind that is already plotting out mares for those straws. I'm just...a bit in shock...very in shock. I'll send you a PM as soon as the shock wears off.

@SandycreekFarm, the people in this game usually send quite a bit of light into my darkness, which is one reason I spend so much time here. Thank you so much for all of your kindness and encouragement whenever we've chatted.

@JustaSaddletramp, I know what you mean, I just have a bad habit of putting myself on the bottom of the list. I guess with all that training to put others before myself, it makes sense, but it does mean I tend to burn out and crash harder than most people. Thank you for the offer about the inbox, though. It means a lot to me.

@ShelteredShadows, I know all about that conditioning to put everyone else first. I did that for most of my life because I thought it was just how I was supposed to live, and I spent much of the time unhappy unless I was with my animals. I was nearly 35 before it finally sank into my thick skull that if I took better care of me, I'd be able to take better care of the ones I love. I'm in my 40s now and it's still surreal sometimes to put me first, but when you take care of yourself and your own sanity it does make life a little easier to face.